The current drama

I posted video of Ryan on my facebook profile. I can't figure out how to post a video in here so if you want to see it I guess you will have to check it out on facebook or e-mail me for it.

Ryan is getting better and worse at the same time. His feedings are doing pretty good. He isn't taking his whole bottle at most feedings but he is taking at least half or more. He takes the whole bottle probably once in a 24 hour period. Considering he is only 35 weeks gestation and the suck/swallow/breathe reflex doesn't develop until 34 weeks he is doing pretty good.

His set back is with his lungs. I read in the doctors notes today he is diagnosed as having Chronic Lung Disease. From what I have read that is common in preemies who had to be on a respirator for an extended period of time and their lung tissue can regenerate by the age of 2 or 3. Which will be great in 2 or 3 years but for now we have to deal with daily ups and downs. They took him off the diuretic 3 days ago and yesterday he was looking swollen and today he is slightly more swollen. The doctor ordered 2 doses of Lasix to help remove the excess water in his body. That should help his lungs work better again, but it seems to me that he can't make it without the Lasix. Everytime they take it away he goes right back to where he was and then they give it again he gets better.

This is a huge set back to me. I can see the goal slipping further and further away. I am suddenly feeling really tired and drained. I know he could make a sudden turn for the better and be back on track to come home soon, but it doesn't seem like that is going to happen. I think I want off this roller coaster!! My little boys at my mom's house are starting to ask about coming home. My parents are ready for them to leave and we are really starting to miss them. I would love to have them come home but that just complicates life even more. Right now is when I can be of the most help to the nurses and Ryan. He is doing better and if I am there I get to do all the normal mommy things. Diapers, bottles, baths and cuddling. It kills me to not be there for those things. If the little boys come home then I have to either stay home or work out childcare. I don't want to have to do either of those things it is crazy enough to figure out childcare for Andrew. I can't let myself get stress, I am too close to the finish line. I have to rely on God and all of you praying to see me through. I know I can make it with God by my side.

Thank you to all of you for continuing to pray for us. We are so grateful.

P.S. Check out Ryans new pictures at the bottom.