Ryan is off the CPAP and back on high flow oxygen. His oxygen requirements are lower this time. Last time he was on high flow he needed between 50 and 60% oxygen. Today his oxygen needs were between 40 and 45%. He doesn't seem to be working as hard to breath this time. Hopefully the CPAP gave his body enough of a break that he will take off from here and get stronger and be able to wean off the O2 soon.

They are still having some problems with his feedings. They are still only giving him 1 ml but they bumped it up to every 3 hours instead of every 6 hours. The doctor is hoping that will jump start his digestive system. I hope so because I have enough milk in my freezer to feed all the kids in the NICU.

The next concern are the bleeds in his brain. He has a bleed on both sides of his brain. There are 4 levels of brain bleeds and his are level 2 which is better then 4. The bleeds haven't gotten into his brain tissue yet which is a good thing. If they do get into the brain tissue then they start talking about cerebral palsy. I am letting that fear and worry go to God. It is such an over whelming thought I can't handle that one myself.

I am hanging in there. I am planning on staying at the Ronald McDonald House on Tuesday night so that I can have a whole day at the hospital. I will see how that goes and I may make it a weekly thing. I do have my first social event scheduled. I am going to Bunco on Monday night. I figure I need to get back into my life.

Maybe getting back into my life will help my brain work better. I had to drive back to the hospital last night after already being there because I left some parts of my breast pump at the hospital. But it was God's plan, I got to have a date with my sweet boy. We went out to dinner and he got a new toy to play with at the hospital while I went into the NICU. He isn't allowed in as he is under 12. I knew I couldn't go in the NICU and grab my stuff and leave without spending a few moments with Ryan, so I had to make sure he had something to occupy his time with. Of course the nurse wanted to know if I wanted to hold Ryan. Since his day nurse hadn't let me hold him I would have loved to but they want you to commit to an hour and I couldn't do that to Andrew. We had a good evening though and Andrew got to check out the hospital cafeteria which sounded like the most interesting part of the hospital to him.

Another step back

My poor baby Ryan had to go back on CPAP. He hates the CPAP device. It has this silicone triangle that fits over his nose. It has to be pulled tight against his face so that it can create enough pressure in his lungs. It has a harness that goes around his head to make it tight enough. It looks like a torture device. I was only able to be with him for 2 hours today and except for the 45 minutes I was holding him he was crying and fighting against the CPAP. I wish I could be there all day and night to hold him. He is so much more content when I am holding him.

Things a more or less the same with Ryan. His lungs still need help. He was breathing really fast and that is why they put him on CPAP because it makes it easier to breath. His breathing is still a little fast even on the CPAP. I asked the nurse if he would have to go back on the respirator if his breathing didn't slow down. She said he has to be showing more signs then fast breathing. If his heart rate is faster and showing signs of stress and if the oxygen level in his blood isn't good then they would look at putting him back on the vent. Right now both of those things are good and despite his fast breathing he is on less oxygen then he was on the high flow nasal canula.

They started his feedings again yesterday but it doesn't seem to be going well. I don't know how long they will keep trying the feedings this time. They don't want to force it because they said they could cause his digestive system to shut down if they force the feedings. It is so difficult, he only really has 2 issues right now and he can't seem to get past them. I know that he could be having many more problems and I should be thankful this is all he has wrong right now but it just breaks my heart that he is in distress. I wish I could fix it and make it better. That is a mothers job, take away the hurt for our babies. Not only can I not fix it for Ryan I can't fix it for my other boys. I took Andrew to Walmart tonight and he wanted to buy things for Ryan. He wanted to buy him clothes and a get well balloon, and it breaks my heart to tell him that Ryan doesn't need or can't have those things. I have bought him some clothes but I don't know how big he will be when he can wear clothes or even if he will ever wear clothes. I know that I shouldn't think like that but when I look at that tiny little boy having trouble breathing I can't help it.

Just so you all know, I am driving myself to Reno. It actually is a really nice time for me to be alone. I can listen to any music I want and sing as loud as I want or I can have quite time to think. I am off my pain meds so I don't have to worry about that but I have seem an unusual amount of police and highway patrol in the last week. I kind of feel like they are after me. There was even one in my neighborhood today pointing a radar gun at me. Of course I was speeding but he didn't come after me. I guess the Good Lord changed his mind. That's all I need is a speeding ticket!!

In closing please pray for Ryan's lungs and digestive system. I know that every one's prayers have gotten him this far and I know that we can bring him home with God's help.

Late night blogging again.

I can't seem to get to the computer before midnight. Oh my gosh it is 1:20 this maybe a quick blog.

Okay let's see, how long has it been since I blogged. It seems like so much has happened. On Saturday they removed Ryan from the ventilator. He was put on a high flow nasal canula, it doesn't breath for him, it just keeps a high flow of oxygen going into his lungs. Which means he is breathing on his own. On Sunday he was put onto a CPAP breathing assistance, which stands for continuous positive airway pressure. Both this and high flow keep his lungs from completely collapsing during exhale making it easier to breath. As of today they put him back on high flow. He needs more oxygen on high flow but they said it does less damage then the CPAP so they will probably go back and forth between the two. He still has pneumonia so he could go backwards and need to go back on the respirator, but as of now he has been breathing on his own for 3 days.

Ryan also got moved out of the open warmer bed into an isloette. Those are the boxes you normally think of with preemies with the port-holes to put your hand through. The isolette regulates his body temperture better the the open waremer bed. He just couldn't be in the isolette while he was on the rapid vent respirator.

I actually got to hold my little man tonight. Doug and I went to the hospital late today. Shortly after we got there the nurse asked if I had held him yet and I said no. She said they needed to change out his isolette for cleaning and I would need to hold him for about an hour while they changed beds and got the new one warmed up. He is so tiny and seems to weigh almost nothing. He was very calm while I held him. He opened his eyes for a while and checked us out. He did some sleeping and dreaming as well.

While he seems to be better, he still is having his issues. Right now besides his lung problems, his digestive tract is not working. They keep trying to feed him but his stomach is having problems processing any food. As of now he is no longer being fed any milk. That isn't to say they are starving him, he gets fats and all the nutrients he would get if he was still in the womb. His little body just can't process anything else. So please pray for his lungs to get over the pneumonia and start needing less help to breath and that his digestive system starts to work. Those are his two hurdles for now. I am sure they won't be his last two though.

Happy Birthday to me!

Yesterday was my birthday. Thanks to all who stopped by or called. Sorry I was not home, I was at the hospital. I had a rough birthday anyway. Ryan has an infection in his lungs. The doctor and nurse talked like it was no big deal and they started antibiotics so he should be better soon. It wasn't until the pharmacist came by and asked the nurse if they thought it was pneumonia and she said yes that I got concerned. All I can do is pray. I know God is with him, holding him and loving him but it is still hard to watch my tiny baby try to deal with all these things and not be able to help him. I went home yesterday emotionally drained and depressed. Today wasn't much better. I had to get up early and go to the doctor to have my incision checked. After seeing my doctor I went to the hospital to be with my baby. When we got there I was so tired I could hardly keep my eyes open. It is very warm in the NICU so that doesn't help when you are tired. Ryan seemed to be more bothered by our visit then comforted. He still isn't being fed. He still has a lot of mucus in his lungs. It was really more then I could deal with and we left the hospital after only about an hour and a half. I am not sure how I will be able to keep going and seeing him. It hurts so much that he is sick and no one can fix it. I feel like I need to be there with him and for him but touching him doesn't always help. It seems to cause him stress. I feel like I need to be watching him and letting the nurses know when he needs help but I can't be there all the time. My days are long and my night very short and I am so tired I am having trouble dealing with all of it. All I can do is pray for strength and peace. I am forgeting to lean on God and I am trying to deal on my own and I can't. I have to remember who is in control let go. I know that God did not bring this little boy into the world to die and I have to keep reminding myself that God will see us through.

Ryan is doing well.

Ryan did make a step forward today. He was off photo therapy, but they have discontinued his feedings for now. His digestive system is having trouble pushing the food through. Hopefully tomorrow they will be able to start again. He lost a few grams but is still weighing 2 lbs. 11 oz. The good news is they are gearing up to wean him off the respirator. They give him caffeine to encourage his breathing. They start with a high dose and then do smaller doses to keep his level even. Once they get to the point they can take him off the respirator they will give him another high dose just before they remove it. It sounds hopeful that could happen sometime this week. Of course he will probably still have breathing assistance, but once he is off the rigid respirator onto a more flexible one I will be able to pick him up. I can't wait for that to happen.

I guess that is a quick update. I am really exhausted though and I have not been able to get to bed before 1 am for several nights. It isn't that I can't sleep but I am on a pumping schedule to try and bring my milk production up so I have to stay up late and get one last pump in. Too bad my little one has been waking up at 6:45 every morning and expecting me to get up with him. I hate to say no as he has been without a mommy for over a month. He still doesn't understand why I won't pick him up and every time I leave he is concerned I won't come back. I try to spend as much time with him when I am here as I can to make up for lost time. So goodnight, I will hopefully have some new info on Ryan tomorrow.

2 steps forward 1 step back

I was so excited yesterday that Ryan was no longer on photo therapy. Imagine my disappointment when I came in today and found him back on photo therapy. They said he will probably go on and off it for a while. I guess it is disappointing because they have to cover his eyes to protect them from the light. The covering pretty much cover his whole face and head so all you see is his mouth with the tubes coming out. I want to be able to see his beautiful face. His feeding are going well though. He did lose weight today not quite a ounce but he has he first dirty diaper so that could have been the ounce he lost. His body made an overnight change from being skin and bones to actually filling out and having some fat in there. He looked so much better from just having that little gain in fat. I am sure the feedings are helping with that.

Tonight he was getting his last dose of antibiotics so as of tomorrow he won't be on any kind of medication. He was getting a heart ultra sound today and a brain ultra sound tomorrow. They want to make sure his heart is doing okay as he has to go up and down on his oxygen needs several times a day. They are also following the small bleed in his brain that they found the first day. Hopefully that will have cleared it's self up.

I found out today it will be a while before I can drive again. I drove 4 blocks to the store and it was a lot harder then I thought. The drugs are effecting my brain function and even though I hadn't had a pill for several hours, I had a hard time making normal driving decisions. It also requires a lot of muscle strength that I seem to have lost from my bed rest. Good thing my mom is here for another week, hopefully I will be doing better before she leaves. I don't know what I will do when she leaves, it is nice to have live in help. I know that God will provide as he always does.

I am exhausted!!

I can't believe I have been home for 2 days. Too bad you can't save up rest and just power yourself up when you need it. I had a month in the hospital to rest and now I need rest and I have to go non-stop instead. Of course things are worse because I was on bed rest for a month. My muscles don't work as well, my whole body shakes because my muscles have atrophied so much. I know I am supposed to rest there just aren't enough hours in the day. My legs have started swelling in response to all the activity too. Oh well, I just have to keep going. Hopefully my body can keep up. At least the pain from my c-section is subsiding. I am still taking pain meds, but I have to take them less often.

Ryan on the other hand is doing great. He was on photo therapy for jaundice and that made his skin dry out and look terrible. Today they discontinued the photo therapy and he looked so much better. He also started feedings today. Well he is getting fed through a feeding tube but he is getting my breast milk that I am pumping. The doctor ordered feedings every 3 hours. His nurse said they usually start feeding on a 6 hour schedule but for some reason the doctor ordered every 3 for him. His first feeding was today at noon. I got to the hospital a little after 2 pm. His nurse checked his feeding tube by sucking it out with air to see if there was any food left from the first feeding, which there wasn't. That meant that he passed the first feeding test to she gave him his second feeding at 3 pm. Of course they only feed him 1 ml of food which is not very much, but at least he tolerated it.

Yesterday he was down to his lowest weight yet. 2 lbs. 10 oz. Thankfully today he had gained back 2 ounces to 2 lbs. 12 oz. That with without any feedings. Hopefully tomorrow he will have gained even more weight.

He is starting to be more active as well. His nurse said when she came on this morning he had his hand firmly grasped around the his respirator tube. She sedated him to make sure he didn't pull his tube out. But as I have said having to be sedated is a good sign it means he is feeling good. The fact that the respirator tube is starting to bug him is hopefully a good sign he will get off it soon. They did have to raise his oxygen level this morning but by the time I got there in the afternoon he was back to 33% oxygen.

I saw him cry for the first time today. He can't make any sounds because of the tubes, which breaks my heart, and there are no tears, but you can see it in his face that he is crying. Again this is a good sign. I got to change his diaper today which was just nice to be able to touch him more then I have been. He is so very tiny, the preemie diapers are big on him. It just kills me to not be able to pick him up and hold him, but I know I will before too long.

I will try to remember to take more photos tomorrow. He looked so good today and I took a picture with my camera phone but it is dark. I don't know why I didn't think to use the regular camera. I put it in the bag I take to the hospital for exactly that reason and I never even thought about it. Hopefully tomorrow he looks as good as today if not better.

Well, I am really tired but I wanted to make sure an put an update on here. Keep praying for Ryan, he isn't out of the woods yet, but God is definitely with him.

The start of something new.

This is it, I am just waiting for Doug to come get me. I am excited about leaving the hospital. I am going to get a pedicure for my scary feet. I am cutting my hair off even if Doug doesn't like it. I am getting my eyes checked so I can go back to wearing contacts.

What have I learned from this experience?
Don't procrastinate!
Don't take your family for granted, you never know when you could lose them. Not that I lost my family but I haven't seem my babies for weeks. I just want to hold them, read to them, bake them cookie and shower them with love.
Don't sweat the small stuff. I am a pretty relaxed person but I still think I get caught up on the wrong things when dealing with my kids and especially my husband.
Always, Always turn to God. I don't have a lot of worries, I try very hard to give them to God. I probably worry my prayers too much though, instead of just talking to God. This time alone has given me an opportunity to connect with Him completely differently then I ever have before. It has helped me to submit to him. To look to him when I need strength and to trust in his responses when I need answers.

Overall I walk away with a sense of peace after this experience. While I still get upset when I see my little baby in the NICU, I know that he is going to make it out of this okay. My one prayer over the last month was no matter when Ryan was born that God made sure he wasn't born until he was able to survive without any long terms problems. I know that no matter what kind of ups and downs we go through that at some point in the next 12 weeks I will be able to take home my sweet little baby and move past all of this.

My last day in the hospital

Tomorrow they kick me out of the hospital. I will leave with mixed feelings. While I am looking forward to going home and being with my family, I am not sure how I will be able to leave Ryan here. If they would let me sleep in the NICU I would. I am afraid that my life will expect me to pick up where I left off and I will have a hard time getting away to be with Ryan. I know that is probably not the case, I have to be here and I will be. Just like I have to be home and I will be there as well. I think I better start praying for my health.

No news is good news! At least that is what Ryan nurse told me tonight. She said they did an ultrasound on his heart today. When I asked her if all looked well she said the doctor would tell me and if they didn't call to update me then there was nothing to worry about and I didn't need to ask. Well if she know me she would know that doesn't work for me. I want to know what was found even if it was normal. What I did learn was not to ask that nurse for info.

Ryan is off the nitric oxide and his oxygen is down to 35% on the respirator. They did start him on photo-therapy last night for jaundice. I feel bad for him because it is drying out his skin and it probably isn't comfortable lying there under that light. They cover their eyes but still it doesn't look like fun. They still haven't have to sedate him. At first I thought it was a good sign he wasn't being sedated but then I realized it's not. The nurse said he probably doesn't feel good so he just lies there and isn't very active, thus they don't have to sedate him. If he felt well he would be more active and they would be sedating him. So really sedation is a good sign.

They are doing he testing less often. They were running his labs and basic test every 4 hours. Yesterday they went to every 6 hours and tonight they were down to every 8 hours. That's positive. He has also gained weight. He was born weighing 1310 grams, which is about 2 lbs. 14 oz. Yesterday he weighed in at 1357 grams. What does that work out to? 1360 grams is 3 lbs. so he is not quite 3 lbs. Of course he hasn't lost any weight so that is probably still to come.

My milk came in and I have been pumping and the NICU is freezing my milk. As soon as he is able to start getting food, it will be ready and waiting for him. That should help him put on some more weight. It sure helped his brothers.

So far I can't complain. As hard as it is to see my baby hooked up to machines and full of IV's, he is here. He is still alive and he is not having any major problems. That is more then a lot of the NICU parents can say. I know God is with him even when I can't be. God is there holding his tiny body and helping him make it into the world.

Wow my meds make me want to pass out. I got them a little over an hour ago and they are kicking in. It is all I can do not to fall asleep. I actually already have twice since I got the meds. I guess that is why they don't want me to drive.

Jan 12, 2009

Today was a better day. My pain is not as bad. I have been able to get out of bed more and walk around more. I was thinking I couldn't walk to the NICU but I will have to be able to walk from the parking lot to the NICU once I get out of here, so I figured I should work on that. I did walk down to the NICU and back all by myself tonight. They are saying I should get to go home on Thursday. That is the longest they can keep me. Ryan on the other hand will probably be here until his due date in April. So it will be a long haul of trips everyday to Reno.

Today Ryan is doing well, he was stable with assistance as the nurse put it. He is still on the respirator which they have added nitric oxide to the oxygen. With the help of the nitric oxide they were able to lower his oxygen level to 30%. They had the nitric level at 30 yesterday. It was down to 20 this afternoon and tonight he is down to 5. They said after 12 hours they will reduce his nitric level every hour by 1%. By this time tomorrow he could be off the nitric all together. They have also put a PIC line in so they were able to remove several of the IV sites he had. They haven't had to sedate him much as he is resting comfortably without it. They gave him a sponge bath today and now he is resting comfortably on his tummy. He is so tiny, his feet are about an inch long. His head is the size of a medium orange. From head to toe he is about the size of a loaf of bread. He has such a sweet face. I just want to pick him up and kiss him. It sounds like in another week or two I maybe able to hold him. If he wasn't on the type of respirator he is I actually could hold him now. Once he can change to another respirator Iwill get to hold him for a little while each day. I am looking forward to that.

I just keep hearing good reports from the nurses in the NICU. They say he is big for only being 28 weeks. They say he looks more like a 30 week baby. He is strong and he is definitely fighting to make it. What else can we ask for? They said in a few weeks he will be able to wear some clothes in the NICU so that has given me something to do, shopping for preemie things online. He is so tiny I can't imagine puttng clothes on him. He will be so cute!

Mothers intuition is always right

So I wasn't wrong it was a big deal, it was a very big deal. My nurse kept the baby on the monitor all night and he was doing okay although he was having quite a few dips in his heart rate which I knew wasn't normal for him. In the morning I got a new nurse and she was very concerned by my bleeding and the fact I was in pain. She called the doctor who was in the hospital and said she had to come see me. The doctor came in at 7 am. She felt my abdomen and saw it was painful to the touch so she said she needed to see if I was dilated. She tried to do a visual exam but there was too much blood, so she did a hand check and found I was 1 1/2 centimeters dilated. Based on that and how much very dark blood I had she said we needed to deliver the baby as there was either an infection or my placenta had abrupted. She did a quick sonogram to see if he was still heads down like he had been for several weeks. However in the course of one night he had turned completely around and was breach, so that meant a C-Section. I was rushed into emergency surgery and at 8:29 am Ryan James Sentell was born. He was only 2 lbs. 14.2 ozs. and 14 1/2 inches long. He was whisked away by the NICU team and I never even saw him, all I saw was an isolette full of blankets go by.

After surgery, Doug went to check on Ryan and then move all of my collected stuff from the past month out of my room. I laid in the recovery room coming out of anesthesia and getting my first taste of pain. After an hour I was put in another room where I laid in bed waiting for my next pain pill to come. Doug showed me pictures of my little tiny boy on his camera-phone. It was hard to tell from that little picture what kind of shock I was in for. He didn't seem that small and he didn't have a lot of stuff happening at that time. After about 8 hours the nurses asked if I was ready to get out of bed. Based on my pain level just trying to adjust in the bed I thought they surely must be kidding. They weren't!!! They told me in order to see my baby I had to get out of bed and walk. To this I cringed, walk to the NICU did they know how far that was!!! Thankfully they didn't mean I actually had to walk to the NICU just a few feet to my bathroom. If I could do that and get cleaned up then I could use a wheelchair to see my baby. Despite the excruciating pain I did as they asked and Doug got to wheel me to the NICU.

Here is where things went down hill. I found a tiny, tiny baby with tubes and wires come out of every part of his body. He was on a respirator that blows 300 tiny breaths into his lungs and causes his chest to quiver. Now while I was aware that this would probably happen and thought I was somewhat prepared, I was not! I started to cry, which made my incision hurt because I had to take deep breaths. I couldn't see my baby's face because it was facing the big respirator machine and I was on the other side. I was afraid to touch him, as I didn't want to get him sick or cause him any problems. To top it all off he was in crisis, his blood pressure was dropping, his oxygen level was low and they were doing a sonogram of his heart and lungs to try and determine what the problem was. I was having a hard time dealing with all I was seeing and then they said they needed us to wait by the desk so they could put another IV in. An IV in his head no less. The only good thing was one of the nurses came by and told the nurse who wanted us to leave that I probably just wanted to see his face. She told her to just let me look at his face before she put in the IV. She agreed and let Doug wheel me to the other side to see Ryan's sweet tiny face.

We sat by and waited while they put in his IV and the Cardiologist checked the sonogram of his heart and lungs. When they were done they let us come back at which time the Cardiologist told us his lungs weren't developed, which was a shock to us as everyone so far was saying his lungs looked really good for his age. They then started giving him a transfusion and drugs to bring up his blood pressure. While these things seemed to be helping his blood pressure and oxygen level, it was causing his heart to slow to dangerous levels. I had to leave when they ordered a sonogram of his brain. My biggest fear above all else is brain damage. I went back to my room filled with fear and worry.

They told Doug to come back just before 6 to check on his progress. Thankfully Ryan had responded well to the treatment. His oxygen level, blood pressure and heart rate were all up. The sonogram of his brain showed a very small bleed that was most likely causing his heart rate to drop and they said it should correct itself in the next few days and not cause any lasting problems. I was able to stop worrying and get some sleep.

I don't know what is going on so I will blog!

I am trying not to panic and patiently wait for my nurse to return but that doesn't seem to be working. I just meet my first big goal of 28 weeks today and tonight I started bleeding. I don't think this is a good sign I wouldn't think I could go for very long without delivering but my nurse didn't get as freaked out as I did. She put the baby on the monitor and said she would check with the doctors as see if they thought she should do anything else. She was very casual, like she was sure this was no big deal but she would see. I wasn't sure if she was trying to be casual so I wouldn't get freaked out more or if she really thought this was no big deal. I think this is a major deal and 20 minutes later she has not returned and I am still panicked. Maybe I am over reacting but I have had enough babies to know that bleeding isn't a good sign. I am not having any contractions but I am starting to have some pain. Again not a good sign, of course they have me on medication to block contractions so maybe I would be having contractions if I wasn't on the meds. I guess all I can do now is pray.

Almost to my first goal!

As of the end of the day today I only have 2 days to reach my first goal of 28 weeks. I spoke with my Dr. tonight and asked if her goal was 32 or 34 weeks and she said 34 if we can continue with no problems. That means 6 more weeks!! I can't panic though, my next goal is 30 weeks, so only 2 weeks to get there. Then I can worry about the next 2 weeks.

So far the drugs are stopping my contractions. The drug made me feel very strange the first dose, my heart raced, and I could feel the blood pumping through my veins. Thankfully subsequent doses have not effected me I don't notice them at all. I also did some research and they have found that preemies who were exposed to this drug had fewer complications. I can't complain about that. It just reaffirms that God is in control and everything happens for a reason.

Of course the lack of good food and no sweets are making me ready to deliver this little guy. I am so ready for some ice cream. It seems like every commercial on TV is for some kind of food I can't eat, they are killing me!! I am just praying when I get out of here my blood sugar returns to normal and I can have some of those things. I just have to keep reminding myself that I am doing all of this for Ryan, it's not about me!

Day 24

We have made it to 27 weeks and 1 day. I have to admit that I am ready to go home. So far no contractions or infection. I have yet to have a high blood sugar reading. Of course they aren't giving me any sugar but my blood sugar has been pretty low. I guess I will lose weight while I am here. That can't be a bad thing.

I am starting to go stir crazy in here. It's not that I don't have stuff to do, it just that I am tired of doing what I have to do. Maybe I am going crazy from lack of sleep. The have changed the monitoring of the baby from once every 12 hours to every 8 hours. That means I have monitoring from 10 pm till midnight then they wake me up at 6 am to start another round of monitoring. Then after lunch when a nap sounds good, it's time for my 2 pm monitoring. Thankfully my nurse was very busy yesterday and she missed my 2 pm monitoring so I got to take a long nap. You know you tired when you take a 4 hour nap.

It doesn't help that there is nothing on tv. I get very few channels. I get TLC which hasn't had much variety over the holiday's just marathons. Then there is the ID channel, I call it the murder channel because all they do is profile murders. I get USA which has just been playing marathons. Then there are the basic network channels, 2 news channels and 2 or 3 sports channels. As bored as I am I don't think I will start liking football or soap operas anytime soon. I am trying not to do too much online shopping since I will probably owe the hospital a million dollars before I get out of here. Well maybe only a couple thousand after my insurance pays. But still more then we can easily afford.

The positive news is the nurses and doctors all say that baby Ryan's heart monitoring is better then most babies at 27 weeks. They say his heart is reacting like a much older baby. Which they say also has to do with his neurological development. I am hoping that is a good sign that when he is born he will do better then most preemies. Of course I realize he is still a preemie and will have complications I just hope that he is strong enough that he has fewer then most. We will see what happens.

Day 20 - Happy New Year!!

Can you believe it is 2009? I got to ring in the New Year with testing. Testing that I failed, so now I have a diagnosis of gestational diabetes. Happy New Year to me!! I am not so concerned about what this means today, I won't be pregnant too much longer (another 5 weeks at best). The concern is that by having gestational diabetes I more likely to develop Type II diabetes. That I want to avoid. I know, I know, I have to lose weight as that is part of why I have this. Once I get out of here I can work on it. Unfortunately they won't let me do anything about it in here. If anything being in here just make it worse. So I guess no more goodies!! There are going to cut off my sugar. Good thing I already took care of the goodies everyone brought me.

You know you are getting old when you fall asleep before the ball drops on New Years. I was 9 minutes away from the ball dropping. I laid my head down to rest my eyes and woke up about 12:30. Oh well, maybe next year. I guess this is going to be a year of all kinds of new things. I just hope they are all positive for the most part. Especially where baby Ryan is concerned. We want only positive things for him.

9 days to go and we hit 28 weeks. Only 37 days until we hit 32 weeks.